You know the old saying “time flies when your having fun” ? THAT must of been written in regards to having a baby, because it’s been nothing short of the best 2 months of my life. However, I feel like I was pregnant forever. Maybe it was from the all day every day nausea or maybe it was the 40 hour work weeks, or maybe just from the pure excitement of wanting to meet your little baby. No matter what it was, time seemed to be DRAGGING by. Thankfully god blessed me with an overall healthy pregnancy. Fast forward through those 9 months, you enter what some moms call “the fourth trimester”.
The fourth trimester is the hardest of them all (in my opinion). I remember when I was leaving the hospital with Luca, I felt an immediate WEIGHT. An indescribable weight on my chest. I thought to myself, “holy shxt this is MY human, I have to take care of MY HUMAN FOREVER”!! The first few days are almost like the “honeymoon stage” you are in such a high from all that’s just happened that you don’t even realize how EXHAUSTED you are. You don’t realize THE PAIN you just endured. So now, the honeymoon stage is fading. I was still over the moon happy, I wouldn’t stop staring at my baby. Thinking to myself how perfect and how blessed I felt. However, this is when life kicked in. I remember my first mommy meltdown (that’s what I like to call it) .. it was one of those nights where you feel like you can’t do anything right, you feel like you’ve tried everything, you feel like the worst mommy in the world, you feel like why god?? Why can’t I figure this out?? **If you are a mom you KNOW this feeling all too well. **If you are an expecting mom, let me tell you. THIS IS ALL NORMAL. IT WILL BE OKAY. YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY. YOU. GOT. THIS!
Here I am standing in our living room holding my screaming baby. He had been crying for what felt like hours. I had tried everything, feeding, diaper change, swaddle… no swaddle, laying down, sitting up, bassinet… swing, binky.. no binky… I tried …E V E R Y T H I N G!!! So eventually I cried, I sat there by myself and just cried. I didn’t want to wake my fiancé because he wakes up at 4:30 for work and at this point it was probably 11ish. I was staring at my human, not able to figure out what he needs. For a mommy, this is heartbreaking. Nobody can even explain to you how this feels. There will be times you feel like you are incapable of soothing your baby, there’s going to be times where you feel like you can’t do it. The fourth trimester will kick your ass. But, you got this. Out comes Julian, with his hand on my back and tells me “it’s okay, your doing great, don’t cry. We love you”! THIS LADIES, is why you need a supportive other half. If you do or don’t, I am here for support. No matter if you know me, don’t know me, hate me, or love me. Every single mother should feel supported always. This fourth trimester was no joke, but this little bundle of joy is worth every single tear. Your human is worth Every. Single. Tear.
Much love to you guys!! If you are still reading thank you. See y’all in my next blog post.
Xoxo, Kianna (Modern Day Mommy)